How the Spice Girls changed pop culture

The year is 1996. Prince Charles and Princess Diana are finally getting a divorce, Dolly the sheep gets cloned and, then Chess Champion, Gary Kasparov gets beaten by AI. But what most people may remember from this year, is one line from a song, stuck in their head: “If you wanna be my lover”. 

A group of five young women, called the Spice Girls, erupted onto the scene and changed pop culture forever. Scary Spice (Mel B), Baby Spice (Emma Bunton), Sporty Spice (Melanie C), Posh Spice (Victoria Beckham), and Ginger Spice (Geri Halliwell). Each strikingly different, yet coming together perfectly as a unique girl group. With their in-your-face message of ‘Girlpower’, they catered to a younger female audience. Setting an example for a whole generation of what feminism could look like; "Be who you want to be, wear what you want to wear, love yourself and support your (female) friends”. Ideas which, at the time, were a welcome change from traditional, outdated norms, especially in mainstream pop music.

With fans all over the world, multiple number one hits, an album, movie, world tours, million-dollar marketing deals and an extensive merchandise collection, there was no stopping these five seemingly normal, smalltown British girls. At the height of their careers, they appeared to have the whole world in the palm of their hands. And those who actually listened, realise that their impact is far deeper than some crazy clothes, witty behaviour and a “Zig-a-zig-ah-ha"-moment.

Breaking out on their own

To the rest of the world, it might have looked like the Spice Girls came out of nowhere, with ease. As if they were waiting for the right time to slap us in the face with their catchy tunes, everso authentic personalities and confident sense of empowerment. What went on behind the scenes, however, was a great deal of hard work and a cheeky bit of ‘Girlpower’.

The group was initially ‘manufactured’ by their first management team through an ad in the paper for an all-female pop band. “Five strikingly different girls”, were envisioned as an alternative to the popular boy bands of the time. After rounds of auditions, the line-up, as we know today, was formed. The girls quickly became friends, moved into a three-bedroom apartment together and started intense training. The formula clearly worked, and as they evolved, they grew more and more confident.

After almost a year without a contract, they felt insecure in their management. Soon, there were disagreements about the group’s artistic direction; the girls simply wanted to sing about their feelings and experiences. Meanwhile the management team, unwilling to listen to their ideas, catered their songs toward a younger audience.

Eventually, this led to the girls coming up with a master plan; to escape the suffocation of their management team. They were persuaded to set up a show in front of writers, producers and talent scouts, after which overwhelmingly positive reactions came flooding in, and a contract was set up immediately for the group by the management team. What they didn’t know is that the girls already made up their minds; none of them would sign the contract. When leaving, they allegedly stole the mastered recordings of their discography from the management offices, to ensure that they kept control of their work. A bold move for some 20-somethings, who were just starting out in the industry.

These girls went on to work with songwriters and producers who caught their attention at the showcase. Now, being able to write songs how they envisioned, they captivated famous manager, Simon Fuller, who eventually signed the girls. After this, the buzz around the Spice Girls was already huge in the industry, making them go from a band nobody wanted to sign, to having million-dollar album deals hurled their way.

The way the group started out will go on to set the tone for their whole career. From the get-go, the Spice Girls were willing to take a stand for their beliefs and principals. They were the designers of their own destiny and took on the industry in a way that hadn't been seen before. This journey and overall mentality accumulated in a big part of their success as well as credibility for their ‘Girlpower’ marketing.

Male-dominated scene

In the 1990’s, the music scene was heavily male dominated, with grunge bands like Nirvana, Pearl Jam or rappers like 2Pac at the forefront. The UK followed suit with the two bands, Oasis and Blur, leading the Britpop movement. Alongside this wildly popular genre, the mid-to-late 90’s saw the rise of teen pop, a subgenre of pop music, oriented towards preteens and teenagers. Boy Bands like Take That and Boyzone had already risen to fame in the UK, while American bands like the Backstreet Boys and NSYNC had their big breakthrough later on in the decade. The dominant branding of these Boy Bands was a sort of melodramatic love ballad overload. ‘Handsome’ young men staring deeply into the camera and making dramatic hand-gestures while singing about yet another girl. Again, in this genre the focus seemed to be on male artists to attract a female crowd.

The Spice Girls actively took a stand against the lack of female representation in the industry. They offered an alternative to the typical male artist-female fan relationship, where they won over young girls' hearts all around the world. Their message was clear: Girls do whatever they want because they rule! This message was spread throughout everything they did, said or sang. From taking a stand to their management team who didn’t take them seriously, to singing about sex-positivity. They dressed how they wanted, each with their own individuality. Each of the sassy, bubbly characters, from Sporty or Scary gave young girls the opportunity to resonate with different kinds of femininity. It showed that you can be different, yet still belong. This image clearly struck a chord with their adoring fans, as ‘Spicemania’ soon became almost as big as ‘Beatlemania’. The biggest British group since the Beatles, was born.

Songs

The girls’ debut single “Wannabe” is a one-of-a-kind pop song. It rewrote any songwriting-conventions and metaphorically defied the laws of gravity. They didn’t think in terms of verse, chorus and bridge, but instead focused on singing, chanting and rapping all the bits and pieces during a short but sweet studio-session. Still, it had all the ingredients for the perfect pop song. Scientists have suggested it might be the catchiest song ever recorded. 

Typical teen pop will go on to be easily digestible, with lyrics about crushes, partying and friendships, to relate to teens. While the Spice Girls were no exception to this, they did break the mould in certain, minor ways. Most of their lyrics, which were co-written by the girls themselves, were far ahead of their time. With messages relating to feminism, self-love, friendship, confidence and inclusivity hidden behind a fun pop song, they easily influenced their listeners. A few examples are as followed:

"If you wanna be my lover, you gotta get with my friends / Make it last forever, friendship never ends”. The song “Wannabe” essentially encompasses the value and importance of female friendship over a romantic relationship with a male. Another verse goes: “Tell me what you want, what you really, really want.” showing it’s okay for women to talk about what they like (in bed).
Mel B’s legendary rap bit essentially turns out to be a list of the girl’s sexual preferences.

"But she's got something new / She's a power girl in a '90s world / She's a downtown-swinging dude". Referring to both men and women with the word “dude”, showed their strive for equality. Using the term “power girl” was still revolutionary at the time.

"Keep your head up high / Don't you know you are the superfly / And that ain't no lie". A common theme in their songs was loving yourself first, a concept that the Spice Girls helped popularise in mainstream culture. Today we see modern female pop artists, like Billie Eilish or Janelle Monáe, incorporate messages like these in their songs.

"This child has fallen from grace / Naked / Don't be afraid to stare, she is only naked". A bit of their song called “Naked”, which they performed live sitting naked behind a chair. Truly an artistic masterpiece, by the way. The song empowers people to be proud of their body, and specifically womanhood.

"You gotta want me / It's just what I need / I'm not that easy as a matter of fact”. Making sure everybody knows their worth and won’t just settle for the first man or woman in line.

“Colours of the world (Spice up your life) / Every boy and every girl (Spice up your life) /People of the world (Spice up your life, ah)”. To “spice of your life” means dancing, singing, having fun. Something that is usually considered a feminine thing to do. Referencing girls as well as boys, people of all colours, from all over the world, the group wanted to do away with stereotypes. Men can enjoy typically ‘female’ activities, just as well. A very all-inclusive song for the 90’s, that is!

“Stop right now, thank you very much / I need somebody with a human touch / Hey you, always on the run / Gotta slow it down baby, gotta have some fun”. Allegedly, this song was created as a protest song towards their management team after working on an album and movie non-stop for several months. The members felt burnt-out and were discontent, thus addressing it through a cheeky song. It’s a great message about setting up boundaries and taking time for yourselves.

“Swing it, shake it, move it, make it / Who do you think you are? / Trust it, use it, prove it, groove it / Show me how good you are”. The lyrics show a strong statement of female independence and empowerment, blasted in a fast and funky pop song. The song and videography clearly show that you should dare to be your unapologetically loudest, craziest self. In an interview, Emma Bunton, or Baby Spice, said that the song was about “being proud of who you are and not letting anyone else tell you what you should or shouldn’t be.”

Marketing

Some people only see the Spice Girls as the money machine they became, cashing in on young girls with their ‘Girlpower’ motto. While the marketing behind the group was a million-dollar business and makes up for a big part of their success, there’s more to the story than that.

Sure, there’s no Spice Girls without the extensive marketing, typical for the teen idols of the time. However, the Spice Girls were pioneers when it came to extremely smart branding of a music group. The different personalities of the girls might have been a thought-out concept, yet this never felt like a marketing trick as the girls were simply being themselves. When they rose to fame, these characteristics simply got magnified, which every artist does to some extent. Their famous nicknames originated from a Top of The Pops article, written by a journalist who, “had a hard time remembering the girls” name”. The band realised that it caught on with the public and just went with it. Maybe reducing themselves to one characteristic isn’t the most feminist thing to do, but it sure as hell proved to be a genius marketing move.

At the height of the ‘Spicemania’, the girls were incredibly popular amongst pre-teen and teen girls. A lack of female representation at the time, as well as the rise of the girl power movement, made it easy for fans to buy into the hype. Their names became tied to brands like Pepsi, Cadbury and Polaroid, and their faces appeared on every product that could possibly exist in “Spice World”, from dolls, watches, deodorants, bags to pizzas or cakes. 

The extensive merchandising and sponsorships of the early years put their names in everyone’s mouth, yet, also caused backlash and eventually led the girls to fire their longtime manager, Simon Fuller. People felt like the band was ‘selling out’, becoming over-commercialised and criticised the overexposure of the girls. It was, however, the first time in pop history that a person of the group's name had been used as a celebrity endorsement to this extent.

Their fans themselves never seemed to mind the ultra-commercialisation of the Spice Girls, which goes perfectly hand-in-hand with the pre-teen culture of the 90’s. If anything, the group became the original pioneer to building a brand around a band. Their groundbreaking marketing has revolutionised and dominated the commercial pop industry, ever since. The message of ‘Girlpower’ might have come across as ‘phoney’ to some, but as long as the members still believed in it and the audience took something away from it, does it really matter? 

Being loud

The music video of “Wannabe” shows the girls had a clear goal: being seen and heard. Enthusiastically jolting and bursting around the scene of what looks like a fancy get together of some filthy rich heirs, creating chaos among the crowd. The girls knew from the start they had to be loud, in every way of the word, for them to be seen and taken seriously. In an industry where men still played the main role, that meant taking up space, and this they weren’t afraid to do. Their songs and videoclips were a way for them to speak up about issues that mattered most to them.

In interviews, they would often criticise or make fun of the public’s opinion of themselves, as well as women in general. They messed around with the interviewers, creating a light-hearted form of rebellion against stereotypes. To give one example– Being asked what the most outrageous thing is that they’ve done, after a series of tabloid gossip appeared around the girls, Ginger Spice jokingly claimed she had an affair with Prince Edward on top of Buckingham Palace. When it comes to answering sexist questions, they don’t fool around.

They took the intense media storm that came with the fame and turned it into an asset. Inspired by artists like Madonna, they created a whole visual identity for themselves, taking control of their image themselves. However political opinions were rarely expressed in their use of ‘popular feminism’, although an early reference to Margaret Thatcher as the “original Spice Girl” did raise some eyebrows. 

Unafraid of some provoking media exposure every once in a while, they often made the papers with their next move. Melanie C, or Sporty Spice, calling out Liam Gallagher at the Brit Awards 1997, for example. Prior to the show, Liam had stated that he wouldn’t show up if he ran into any of the Spice Girls. After collecting their award for Best Single, Melanie C challenged him in their acceptance speech by saying: "Come and have a go if you think you're hard enough".   

Cool Britannia

At the same Brit Awards, what is considered one the most iconic moments of the Spice Girls’ career happened. Geri, or Ginger Spice, rocking a Union Flag mini dress, with a peace sign on the back, during their performance of Wannabe / Who Do You Think You Are. This was a pivotal moment in pop culture history, not only did it put the Spice Girls on the map as the biggest British girl group ever, but it was also the start of ‘Cool Britannia’, a mid-1990s celebration of youth culture in the UK.
With Britpop taking over the charts again, Generation X led the way to a revival in British pride and optimism after the tumultuous years of the 1970s and 1980s.

The Spice Girls had just taken over the world with their first album “Spice”, full of number one hits in multiple countries, when they came back to the UK for the Brit Awards. The UK hadn’t seen any artist of this magnitude since The Beatles, thus they welcomed the girls as absolute heroes in their home country. The anticipation for their performance was immense. Geri wanted to make a statement of British pride by stitching a Union Flag tea towel onto the front of her dress and a peace sign on the back. Even though her stylist advised her against it, she still went on with it and created Brit Awards history with one of the most iconic pop moments of the 1990s. The dress has become synonymous with the Spice Girls and the notions of ‘Girl Power’, and ‘Cool Britannia’.

Feminism

Did the group raise a generation of feminists? It’s a question to be disputed. While there were a lot of things the Spice Girls did right, there were also some to be seen as anti-feminist or outdated. Considering the zeitgeist, it’s important to put things into perspective. Although the band might have been inspired by other bands like Bikini Kill and the “Riot grrrl” movement, they had a very different approach.

“Riot grrrl” is a subcultural movement that combines feminism, punk music, and politics and, just like the Spice Girls, catalysed third-wave feminism. This genre was meant for a slightly older crowd, already having experienced the ‘real world’ and its prejudices against women. With the typical grungy, punky attitude to it, it was easier to be angry, to shout, to break down gender norms and female stereotypes. The Spice Girls, on the other hand, gave us a watered-down, sugar-coated version of feminism, perfect for the younger crowds to swallow. The kind of ‘popular feminism’ they stood for, wasn’t as politically loaded as the feminism seen in the underground scene. The girls wanted to cater to a larger audience with the use of popular media like music, radio, television broadcasting, advertising, etc. Their main message wasn’t one of despair or anger, it was one of empowerment and femininity.

In their own words: “Girl power is being able to do things just as well as — or even better than — the boys, and be what we want to be”, explained Mel C — alias Sporty Spice. A kind of vague statement when we look back on it; what does ‘doing things better than the boys’ mean? Which boys are we talking about here; white boys? black boys? rich or poor boys? In the position they were in, intersectionality wasn’t exactly part of their feminist ideas. However the essential idea of female representation started to take shape. The “whatever boys can do, we can do” motto will later evolve into the punk rock and skatergirls scene of the early 2000’s.

Yet, they still thought  in mostly binary, heteronormative ways, although the lesbian affair between Mel B and Geri Halliwell might just tell us otherwise. For songs in the 90’s to know commercial success, there wasn’t really any other way. A common act of the group in their way of feminism is reversing gender roles in their songs. For example, in “Say You’ll Be There”, they sing about a man being too clingy and needy in the relationship, while they, as women, are the independent ones. Here, they are clearly trying to break down and subvert gender roles, whereas they are actually enforcing them. As far as songwriting at the time, not many dared to switch up the traditional gender roles, or even question them at all. Really, the band was already pushing the boundaries in pop music.

While the main branch of feminism around the time focused on intersectionality of gender and race, class, sexuality, etc., the Spice Girls weren’t quite there yet. With a commercialised approach, they intertwined feminism with capitalism. Their highly marketed message of ‘Girl Power’ lost some of its meaning through the years, even though the original intention may have been authentic. When feminism and capitalism intertwine on such a big scale, it’s hard not to see everything they do or say as a marketing strategy. There was justified criticism about making young girls buy into the idea of beauty and femininity as a form of empowerment. In many ways, this was still conforming to the male gaze.

They were also criticised for the lack of diversity in the group, as Mel B, from a mixed-race background, was the only person of colour. Coincidentally or not, she also got nicknamed Scary Space, the least appealing of them all.  Regardless, with the rest of the group being white, Mel B had to represent the diversity of Britain. A lot of responsibility for just one member to carry. 

Traditional beauty standards still made up a big part of stardom, back when the girls were in their primetime. The press was cruel towards celebrities, especially female ones, and would tear down those who didn’t conform in the slightest of ways. Think of Sporty Spice getting criticism for her weight gain, being named “Sumo Spice” in the British tabloids. With this mentality of superficiality, it was hard to attain commercial success without following the rules. The girls might have not started a revolution against age-old thought patterns, but they did try to go against certain stereotypes. Although commonly considered ‘beautiful’, the band broke traditional beauty standards by wearing loud, daring clothes, presenting themselves however they wished and felt comfortable in doing so. Being unapologetically themselves was already hard enough in the industry.

The joyful “Spice World” was filled with glorious 90’s naivety, sprinkled with a nod to the “‘peace and love’-hippie culture of the Swinging Sixties. A pre-internet, pre 9/11 time, where the positivity of girls parading in glamorous clothes could still actually mean something. Their overwhelming dose of colour, glamour, dopamine and ultra-sweet ‘Girlpower’ successfully distracted part of the world from some negativity for a time. It’s a formula that, in this day and age, would have had a much harder time gathering mainstream attention. A big part of the group’s success in modern times might be out of nostalgia for a simpler time, where political amnesia stood a chance.

In the end, those young girls who were soon growing up to face the many prejudices around women, did need this kind of endless positivity. Their perfect bubble might have been bursted just a few years later; the Spice Girls posters in their room still reminded them of their own power and ability, and of the strength of womanhood. Five ordinary girls practically raised a generation of women who value self-love and who will stand up for themselves.

Whether or not you agree with their different approach, the Spice Girls were, alongside other peers at the time, the catalyst of 3rd wave feminism. They sparked the female-positive mentality which we still see today in the pop-culture industry, as well as the effects on real life personal identities. They gave life to the idea of female-empowerment for a whole generation and keep on doing so, for the later generations.

Pop icons

As the biggest girl band in history, the Spice Girls’ impact on female-led pop culture is unprecedented. They spread a powerful message through joyful teen pop, with a hint of Britpop, all over the world. They paved the way for an era of successful girl bands such as the Sugababes or Destiny’s Child. The Spice Girl’s legacy still lives on in female pop artists today like Beyoncé or Lady Gaga, who capture their female-positive spirit. Artists like Adele, Haim or Sam Smith have openly declared their love for the band, and for the influence they had on them as musicians. Posh, Scary, Baby, Sporty and Ginger clearly offered the much-needed self-expression and brazen ambition that inspired a generation of artists.

The magic of those five girls together is undeniably something extraordinary. It was the perfect formation, the perfect timing, with the perfect message. People were ready to hear what the girls had to say, and they were eager to say it. Through their music and image, the Spice Girls significantly influenced popular culture by promoting female power, individuality, and friendship. 

Almost 30 years later, they’re still the most recognizable faces of the decade and proved to be more than just a fad of their time. Their lasting impact on both the music and pop culture industry turned them into the cultural phenomenon we know today.

new lock, new keys, new moon

I'm not good at goodbyes. I leave cities in the middle of the night, like a ghost, and then lock myself up for days. It took me a while to step foot outside again in Belgium, to unpack my suitcase or to finish this blogpost I started months ago. I’m a procrastinator at heart but this time it wasn’t like that. I simply had a hard time processing my feelings, putting them into words, all while dealing with moving back, trying to graduate and living through an unoriginal identity crisis.

But here we are, finally. 

As my last month in Istanbul is finishing up, it's time for me to write my final blogpost about my time here. Writing this means my time here is running out, which is a bitter pill to swallow. As much as it saddens me to leave this city and its people. I’m also excited for the next chapter with lots of exciting opportunities. Being back home for a while and seeing all the cute familiar faces that I missed dearly.

I’m grateful for the crazy adventure Istanbul was. Thinking about it, it’s pretty weird a seemingly random place I decided on last year, now holds so many memories to me. When I left 6 months ago, I really felt like I had to get out for a while. We all can get the feeling we’re stuck in our way of living or thought patterns. Even though I was pretty happy and comfortable with my life in Belgium, I needed something new, something exciting. With not many things keeping me from going, I grabbed the chance when I had it.

The good, the bad, the ugly

As someone who never had a plan, not even a “pla”, in my life, I always thought I could move wherever, roam around freely, live from love or the savings of whatever mediocre job gets thrown my way. As you might have noticed, I love to romanticize my life to make it a bit more bearable. But actually doing it, packing your bags and moving to another country was more daunting than I thought. 

Besides all the enrichment, crazy stories and absolute bliss this journey gave me, things have not always been easy. I jumped into it head first, not thinking it through too much. Somehow, I weirdly felt comfortable quickly, knew my way around pretty fast and even passed for a local to some. Yet, I never really stopped feeling like an outsider, observing the people and their habits. Then again, I’m probably like this anywhere I go, all the time. 

It’s hard being away from friends and family, getting used to a different culture with their own habits and quirks, while not understanding a language. At least for a while, that place really does become a home. It’s your job to make it a cozy and welcoming one. 

A damn ride

I only realized how crazy the past 5 months really were until I came back home. My friends even demanded a full PowerPoint presentation to fill them in. You ask, I deliver. It’s been a damn ride Istanbul. I’ve had some magical moments, some pretty terrible ones, some lonely ones and some filled with love and laughter. 

I still remember arriving in my neighbourhood, at 12 pm, loaded with a heavy suitcase, no internet, no sleep and struggling to find my apartment. The first night pretty much set the tone for the rest of the semester. Exciting, sweaty and pure chaos. I got to live with two amazing people. Taking a gamble on who you’re going to live with is always a risk but turns out, our flat collected the most badass girls in town. One of them is kicking ass in a worldwide cocktail competition. The other one is the the most badass taekwondo rockstar I know. 

Both of them got me through some of the harder days here. From getting overwhelmed by the big city, uni or just life, a simple movie night with them would recharge the three of us instantly. We were able to see the humor in every situation, which is something you have to be able to do when living abroad. Not taking ourselves too seriously became a weapon of choice.

My first month was intense. Going out a lot more than I usually do, meeting new people,… the summer just never seemed to end. My body thanked me for the overdose of vitamin D I got (and hated me for the overdose of beer). Everyday became a funny collection of happenings. From getting on a motorcycle slightly drunk, ending up in a crowd of people dancing or crossing the Bosporus for the first time at night. Highly recommend the last one, never gets old.

It’s funny how my last month here almost felt exactly like the first one, although now, I feel a bit more local rather than a tourist. I’ve found the cute cafés, I know where to get the best food, and might've even found the best parties too. The thing is, you still see a place in a completely different light than people who’ve lived there their whole lives. You don’t see the little frustrations, you don’t even understand what people say most of the time. A privileged and carefree way of living, especially in Turkey.

When abroad you’ll spontaneously meet a lot of people and make friends quickly. Everywhere from a radio station, a cocktail bar to a pole dancing class. You have to, it’s a surviving mechanism. Sometimes they show you a completely different way of living, putting your own into perspective. As per usual, your last weeks will be your best. As if running out of time makes you enjoy every little thing more. Connections get deeper, it starts to feel like home, like you could just stay there forever.

I truly believe that I was meant to meet all the people I’ve met, go through all of the stages of living here, feel all the feelings and learn all the lessons. I’m sure you’ve heard people say that visiting new places makes you discover new parts of yourself. I like to see it as if I’m scattered around hidden corners of the world and it’s my job to find the bits and pieces. The fun little scavenger’s hunt we call life.

You’ll get lonely at times, sure. You’ll question your motives why you even left your comfort zone in the first place. The loneliness when being abroad is still not talked about enough. It’s a natural part of leaving home. The only difference is, you can’t just call every number in your phone to hang out. Yet being in a city this lively never made me truly feel that way. If anything, you get more independent than ever. If you can survive in Istanbul, you can pretty much do so everywhere.

Returning

When you’re in a new place, a lot of self-development happens, knowing what you want and what you don’t want. The city made me realize it doesn’t really make sense to pretend…ever. Take me for what I am or leave me.

For a while I was scared I might lose this version of myself. The one who’s careless, positive, curious and happy. As if not being in the place that cultivated it, would take all those traits away. But in fact, they were there all along, just needed the right time and place to come out. 

I didn’t have to think about being anyone else than myself at this moment. Had nothing to prove. Just wanted to spend every moment enjoying it.

A slight identity crisis after an erasmus experience might occur. Picking up your life where you left it might be hard. You can tell some stories, show some pictures,.. but they won’t know how you felt there, how it changed you.

Although I might never be the same again, this version of me now will change and grow into the person I’ll be tomorrow. Taking all the experiences and lessons with me and building a new story on top of it. My roommate once told me as we were changing the locks “new lock, new keys, new moon”, a piece of wisdom I’ll never forget. Sometimes you have to mess everything up to start all over again. But I guess I’ll always carry a bit of Istanbul with me, wherever I go.

The only appropriate way I could end my Istanbul saga is with this track made by dj, producer and Digital Ivan. I had the pleasure of dancing to his unmatched tunes several nights during my time there.

We shared many conversations about the concept of home, travelling and finding inspiration from new places and people. After reading my blog he got inspired himself.
Thank you Ivan for bringing a whole semester to life in one track and brining a smile to my face everytime I listen to it.

As I said, I’m not good at goodbyes. So let’s not make it one…

Until next time, Istanbul

Capricorn moon, cheesecake and offending old men

Indulgence

It’s not a concept I grew up with. It’s something I learned later on in life. As children, we never got spoiled, unlike our classmates or friends from around town. Don’t get me wrong, I had everything I needed, the basics were simply enough and everything else was seen as extravagant.

At one point, I had to learn how to treat myself, how to allow myself to do things purely for the pleasure of doing them; no guilt whatsoever. It wasn’t even that long ago that I realised life isn’t just about your academic career or achievements but about the little things. About the moments you can spend with people that bring a smile to your face, no matter what it is you're doing. Just like I didn’t grow up with the concept of indulgence, neither was I taught that success will determine my value. Instead, I learned how to give society just enough of what it expects of me to not chew me up and spit me out. I’m lucky to  have parents who didn’t push their own goals or wishes onto me. I experience a lot of freedom in my life; in my way of thinking, my career, my lifestyle. At least if I, myself, don’t put this pressure on me. Aaah, the perfect opportunity for depression and anxiety to lurk around the corner!

‘Omg you’re such a virgo’

I guess things changed once the school system interrupted my previously carefree life. Although, I believe this was just the perfect opportunity for my annoyingly driven Capricorn moon energy to have its time to shine. Something for her to sink her teeth into and put some unrealistic expectations on myself. This game of winning and losing really didn’t come to a stop until the post-pandemic realisations of how precious sharing everyday joy is.  

Has anyone ever read their birth chart by the way? Being in Turkey for too long just forces you to get into astrology since everyone here is. People ask me “What’s your sign? ”before asking my name. I won’t bother you with some spiritual plea, but I do advise you to hop on the trend and just look into it. It’s another way of self-discovery, just like therapy, meditation, tarot reading... Whether you believe in it or not, it makes you think about who you are and your actions. 

Apparently, from what I’ve read, I thrive on this never-ending flow of activities. Capricorn moons get their satisfaction through their accomplishments. I still fall into the trap of trying to balance everything at once all the time. Sure, I’ll go to university, cook a full dinner, call my mom, finish my essay and go to some open mic all in one day. Burn-out incoming. Je sais, Je sais. I go crazy if I’m not doing something all the time. Busy schedules make me hornier than anything yet I end up procrastinating and running after myself constantly. In the last few years I’m always balancing between two extremes: either being highly productive and letting myself be lazy, and wanting to be in the spotlight and shying away as far as possible, or being up to no good whilst also craving some wholesomeness. Pretty sure I’ll find some explanation for this in my chart, I’ll keep you updated.

Pleasure and pain 

Sometimes you really need to sit back and realise how happy you are in the moment. Hedonism* might have just become my life philosophy of choice. Depriving yourself of the simplest joys is such a waste of time.

I force myself to wake up every day and at least have one thing to look forward to, I don’t care if it might sound stupid to other people. Make a damn list of the silly things you want to do, alone or with someone else that would make your inner child happy. Or try to make the most mundane things fun. You don’t want to know how many times cleaning my bathroom while jamming to my favourite Dua Lipa album was the highlight of my day.

Not everything you do has to have a rational explanation. “I do this because it feels good, because I get pleasure out of it”. Hearing this has made me look back on my own actions. Why do I do things? Am I getting any pleasure out of my daily activities? Especially since living in a different country, where the normal flow of your life is completely interrupted. People of Mediterranean cultures tend to live their lives with an attraction towards pleasure. Being away from capitalist culture for a while has sucked me up in the flow of instant feel-good actions. The thing is, I have no plan here, no expectations or no specific goals that I set out for myself. For once, it feels freeing to have time for self-development, self-expression and joy.

Let them eat cake

I’ve been trying to find the best cheesecake in town for months now. Each time I try a new one, I really take time to indulge in all the flavours and textures. When the bite just melts on your tongue with zero effort. Perfection.

Do you want to know the worst feeling ever? When you feel like you’re on the backseat, just watching your life pass by instead of living it. When you feel so numb you can’t even taste how damn fucking good the cheesecake you’re eating is. Guess it makes me appreciate my 46th San Sebastian even more, having gone through this.

Indulgence is not something they teach you in school. Pleasure was a hard thing to grasp for me, not realising it’s partly made up by our own actions and mindset. One that you can easily trigger if you let yourself. If you have a hard time living your indulgent life here are a few of my favourite practices so far:

• Smoke cigarettes on the bed, preferably naked. Trust me, it will make you feel the most French you’ve ever felt.

• Eat all the possible desserts in your neighbourhood and list them from best to worst.

• Put on your headphones, skip down the street in your fishnets, offend some bitter old men but live your main-character moment.

• Spontaneous dancing with friends in your local bar on a random Thursday night. Make everyone wish they were giving as little fucks as you are.

• Watch as many movies as you can in one day, only leave your room to open the door for your uber eats package.

• Practise your terrible voguing moves until sweat is running down your chin.

• Pet all the dogs you meet on your morning walk.

• Steal the posters from every event you go to in a week.

Daily dose of weirdness

Another form of indulgence I’ve been practising has been through embracing every weirdness I encounter. No better place to do this than in a city like Istanbul. Where there’s huge dogs keeping guard over the city at night and cats jumping at you from every corner. Walking down the pier of the Anatolian side, you see a perfect collection of strangeness. Women selling a collection of colourful flowers, the smell of roasted chestnuts fills your nose, some protestors shouting, a band playing some traditional music all the while some lovey-dovey couples are entering a ferry to get to a different continent. 

The funniest thing is, after a while I started looking at scenes like this as a new normality. Now I even embrace the weirdness and see it in the mundane things of Istanbul life. Just the other week, my roommate and I (finally) got our resident permit fixed. After a few months of living, studying and working here we might as well be here legally, we figured. The most stressful day of our adventure here so far, all of a sudden got super light because of a taxi driver. The man probably spent a good half an hour proudly showing us his holiday family pictures; his daughter at the beach, him posing with all the fish he was about to eat, romantic selfies with his wife… “çok güzel, çok güzel!”, was about all we could answer while laughing.

A beautiful sunset in the background made this whole scenery even more absurd, yet aesthetically pleasing. Of course, the taxi driver took some pics for his collection. I’m sure his next passengers will have the honour of seeing them. It’s the daily dose of weirdness like this that gets me through the ride of life!

*The word 'hedonism' comes from the ancient Greek for 'pleasure'. Psychological or motivational hedonism claims that only pleasure or pain motivates us.

Stones and postcards

We collect souvenirs

of the places we visit

Stones and postcards

fill up our suitcases

only to give them away

or to collect dust

in a box,

in a basement

of a place we call home.

Every piece tells a story

of the people

the nights,

the words

and the feelings.

We couldn’t take those memories

Only to lock them away

in a box,

in a basement

They live on 

in a place we call home.

Ourselves.

✴

Princes’ Islands

11th September 2022

☾ yakamoz ☽

Weifelend

raakt de maan het open water van de oceaan,

kust haar woelig oppervlak.

Kletterend

blijft de stroom onstuimig doorgaan,

komt pas tegen de golfbreker echt tot rust.

Eb, vloed, eb en dan weer vloed

Een eindeloze cirkel

De vrouwelijke curves van de maan verleiden de golven

laten hun dansen op het ritme van de nacht,

háár nacht.

Ze lacht onheilspellend naar de zon

die langzaamaan plaatsmaakt voor haar lichtspel.

Wanneer de tijd rijp is ontvouwt ze zich zacht

In glinsterende stralen,

een magische reflectie.

Die je meeneemt naar de grens

tussen realiteit en fictie.

Haar tranen parelen neer

als fonkelingen in een sterrenhemel.

Haar oranje gloed bekleedt je huid.

Je wilt wegsmelten in de vloeiing,

één worden met het ruime sop.

Zinken naar de bodem,

daar waar de leegte begint en de Aarde stopt.

Eb, vloed, eb en dan weer vloed

 Een eindeloze cirkel

De maan kijkt tevreden neer.

Enkel haar mysterieuze schemering blijft achter,

als een deken op de horizon.

De verloren zielen van de nacht neemt ze mee,

voor als ze morgen nog eens lonkt.

⋆⁺₊⋆

yakamoz /jakaˈmoz/

From Ottoman Turkish یقاموز‎, یاقاموز‎ (yakamoz), from Greek διακαμός (diakamós)

Definition:

phosphorescence in the sea due to bioluminescent dinoflagellates

or the reflection of moonlight or other lights on water

23

Has anyone ever written about turning 23? It’s the forgotten age, the middle kid. Is it because we’re secretly heartbroken that we can't scream along to 22 by Taylor Swift anymore? That one time on my birthday last year, drunk in the cab home, was enough for me. She had her moment, let’s move on.

Why is it that we reflect on our lives every time a birthday comes close? As if we’re losing grip on our way of living just because the number is changing. In the end we as humans love to identify ourselves in any way possible. Age is just another way to do that and birthdays are an excuse to reinvent ourselves. I’ll take it! Watch me get seven tattoos and dye my hair purple in the next week.

23 is a weird age if you ask me. You’re on the verge of adulthood yet your teenage years are still holding on to you for dear life. You still remember being the youngest one in the room, when now most of the time you feel the opposite. You haven’t forgotten what it’s like to drink bottles of cheap wine in your best friends’ room. Hey, you might have been doing that last weekend, who knows. But do you feel like a grown-up? Are you what you expected yourself to be at this age? Or worse, what society expects you to be. God, I hope I’m not.

I still remember when I was around 10-11 wondering what being 20-something would be like. My nephews and nieces, who’re all quite a bit older than I am, looked like full blown adults to me. Damn, they were so cool. Will I ever be that cool? More than 10 years later, I don’t think I’m able to answer that question objectively. But is the world still equally as daunting? Yes, absolutely yes. Do adults still freak you out? I’d say so. Do you have a house, a partner, kids, a job?? Chill down honey, I don’t even have my drivers license.

Yet you’ve already had a significant amount of life experience to be able to make some -not always the smartest- life decisions. Like moving to a different country all by yourself. Huh, what?? If you do mess up, you won’t get judged too harshly at this point in life. You’re young, dumb and probably broke but pretty much okay with that. Nobody knows what they’re doing anyway, right? Or is this just a commonly accepted excuse used by miserable people to give their lives a bit more sense? 

Being 22 was pretty damn great and hard at the same time.

I feel like I got way more comfortable with who I am this last year. I discovered a lot of assets about me that I didn’t even know were there. Exploring your identity, along with the world around you is a crucial part of your early twenties. For me this means taking chances and listening to whatever your heart tells you to do. Even if that means taking the difficult route.

I met a lot of amazing people, danced one to many nights away and felt more independent and happy than ever. If there’s one thing I’ve learned in the last year it’s to not push things too hard, especially myself. 

Things happen for a reason. People come and go. Oh, one last sappy overused quote you ask? Don’t be so damn hard on yourself!!! (you’re welcome)

21-year-old-me was still… well exactly that. She tried really hard to be someone she’s not, only to become someone to other people. It’s exhausting to make yourself feel like you need to fit in somewhere, when you know you never really will. It’s even more suffocating to feel like you need to be the best (read coolest, funniest, smartest, most talented, busiest AND hottest) version of yourself all the time.

I think I’ve learned to see the beauty in imperfection, in averageness, even in pain and loneliness.

Now what would I tell myself a year ago? It’s okay to not be on top of your game yet. It’s okay to have no idea where you’re going sometimes. As long as you keep moving and growing. As long as you’re honest about who you are. People will appreciate that in you. Maybe even, if you’re feeling bold, show your soft side every once in a while. We all know it’s there anyway. But please never lose your resting bitch face. It’s not only your trademark but also a tool that will come in handy greatly in the next few years!

“Soooo, what do you want to achieve while being 23?”

Come on, cut me some slack. I’m someone who rarely knows what I’m up to. One second I might want to get a masters degree in philosophy. The next day I’m watching youtube videos on how to become a yoga instructor. For now I’m more than okay with being exactly where I am. That’s a first and hopefully not a last. I’m okay with falling in love with the little things again like writing, painting or dancing. With drinking my morning coffee on the balcony, watching the city slowly wake up with me. Or just with chilling with the local café cats. How could I not be?

Spending my last weeks as a 22-year-old in Istanbul has been amazingly grounding. It has made me reconnect with a part of me that I seem to forget about sometimes. My dreamy side or my hippie side, some may call it. I call it my…”I could leave everything behind to travel the world all by myself and be absolutely fine with it” side. My dad just calls it my “you need to come back down to reality” side. Fine, I’ll get a degree, find a boring job and pay taxes like everyone else.

There’s just something so incredibly freeing about being away from your comfort zone for a while. Discovering new places, cultures, even people. It’s the one feeling that I know I’ll crave forever. 

I can only hope this next year is filled to the brim with love, adventure and some more -not always the smartest- life decisions . Aaand maybe some baklava and rakı to celebrate tonight, why not!

☀

Istanbul ♡

As I’m writing my first article for this blog, I’m sitting in the cutest little café called Küff Café, located in Kadiköy, Istanbul. People from all over the city (yes, some even cross the damn river!) come to have breakfast in our street, known for its many amazing coffee places. As I take a sip from some fresh Turkish tea, I look out on the street. Young people pass by, dressed in laid back summer outfits, their hair dyed in crazy colors and their arms covered in tattoos. The bohemian vibe of this place is showing in all kinds of ways.

Arriving in Turkey in September, when summer isn’t quite over yet but fall is only a distant memory, gives me a sense of anemoia. Nostalgia to things I never actually lived through. Like family dinners with traditional music playing in the background. To warm evenings at the local bar with hometown friends. To long conversations on the beach, wrapped in blankets while smoking cigarettes.

Crying on the plane is the new crying on the dancefloor

I’ll miss Brussels, there I said it. For someone who doesn’t get attached to places easily, this city might just be my soft spot. Home has always been a strange concept to me. I can find it in people, in music, in art, even in myself, but rarely in a city or a house. Yet the feeling of home can be comforting. Maybe I finally started feeling like that again, now that it is slipping away.

I’ll miss the people, the dancing and the feeling of belonging there.

So yes, I cried on the plane. And yes, the old man next to me along with the flight attendants were judging me. But it felt good as hell! Maybe it was my sentimental side taking over. If you’d told me a few years ago that I’d be hopping on a plane to go live in a different country, all by myself, I probably wouldn’t have believed you. Here I am, in a different continent doing exactly that. I felt excited, proud and scared at the same time.

But seeing how the most amazing people support me in this adventure, makes me extremely happy and grateful! Tears of joy is what they call it, right? Or maybe I was just being overly dramatic because of the two hours of sleep and the still very high percentage of alcohol in my blood, you decide.

“Don’t forget your passport this time!”

“And be on time for once in your goddamn life!”. I know I’m not the most organised person so my friends were absolutely right to tell me this. Suprisingly a 26 kilo suitcase and a slight hangover couldn’t even stop me from missing my flight. Unlike that time I tried going to Poland, only to realise I forgot my passport in the scanner. But let’s talk about that another time!

For those of you who are wondering what the hell I'm doing in Turkey. I’ll be studying at Yeditepe University for one semester as part of an Erasmus. When people ask me why Istanbul, I have a hard time explaining. No, I’ve never been here before, no I don’t know anyone here or even knew that much about the country to begin with. Maybe that’s exactly why I was immediately interested to spend some time here.

A city where I know absolutely nothing or no one? Count me in!

First impressions

With 15 million (!!) people living here, it’s easy to get overwhelmed. The constant flow of people, cars, even dogs and cats, is something to get used to. For some strange reason I tend to be drawn to chaotic places or even people. It makes a good contrast with the calmness that I radiate, or so I’ve been told.

My first days here have been nothing but paradise. Exploring Turkish cuisine, which I’ll happily eloborate on soon! Catching the sunset at Moda beach. Having beers at a local underground bar. Even just reading my book in one of the many coffee places puts a smile on my face.

It’s been only a few days of living here, yet Istanbul is winning my heart already!